Hell in a Handbasket
by Akimi Kono
Summary: If my life were to be a joke, it'd be: "A vampire, a werewolf, a ghost and a human walk into a bar". Only it wouldn't have a punchline, because there's no funny ending to my life. It's just there and it's just as bad as the joke. I guess that's what you get for living with three creatures from the undead. Bella Swan had it easy. Mitchell/OC
1. Chapter 1

12/25/13

**A/N:** I started watching Being Human U.K. Christmas Eve & I love it! I mean I've only watched 2 episodes, but whatever. I don't even have to watch it in order to write a fanfic for it. (Record time for becoming obsessed with something & writing a fanfic for it, btw, I think. Or that went to Breaking Dawn Part 2...) The whole vampire love story thing had actually had been bugging me for a while so I decided to write it into a vampire love story. Holla.

Anyways, some characters may be OOC since I'm only two episodes in.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Being Human U.K. (or U.S.).

Please enjoy! Please review!

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There's a lot of things campy teen vampire romance novels won't tell you, and that's how hard it actually is to live with a vampire. Or a werewolf. Or a ghost. It's because they don't want to shatter the illusion of eternal love and a deep burning passion inside a supernatural creature that only a mortal can satisfy. Let's face it: real life doesn't sell.

Right now you're probably thinking, "But what about biographies? And self-help books?" What? Do you really think that "make you better" books are real life? That a book can tell you how to be a better person, or a better lover or a better human being? And don't you think there's at least a _few_ embellishments in every biography?

Fantasy sells. Science Fiction sells. Romance sells. The undead sells. Every little girl's dream used to be about her pink princess dress and knight in shining armor coming to take her away to his castle to live a happy life full of puppy dogs and ponies and rainbows. Now it's about being bitten by a vampire and given the "gift" of eternal life and living a long undead life full of coffins and black velvet and constant brooding.

I don't think people have really grasped the concept of _eternal life_. It's forever. It's sempiternal. It is literally for _all of time_. Some girls may be thinking, "Hey! That's great! I've finally met a guy and we never have to grow old or die or anything!" But think about it. Just you and him, forever. Most couples can't even go 5 years without divorcing. How are you going to handle til the end of time? Not to mention your family, your friends and your pets will all pass away. People older than you, people younger than you, everyone. You'll watch people grow old and die while you just sit around at 17 years of age with your vamp boyfriend who's most likely 500 years your senior.

And, seriously, what's with girls wanting to be turned into vampires immediately after having met the guy? Half the time they're in high school (which I understand – the readers need to be able to relate to the protagonist) but to be eternally 17? At least be 21, that way you can buy alcohol and cigarettes and whatnot. You don't want to be stuck forever at an age where you can't _do _anything. (Take note of Claudia from _Interview with the Vampire_. Eternally, what? 8 years old? Great.)

Anyways, the age thing is not really a problem. Well, it is but not that big of a problem. The rest of the lies spread by the media is how "romantic" it is to be in love with a vampire (or a werewolf) and let me tell you, it's not. What is romantic about being in love with a dead guy? Not only that, but a guy that's been dead for hundreds of years and is still hanging around? You don't see any zombie love stories, so _why vampires_? (Okay, there was that one movie.)

Maybe it's because you can make vampires hot and zombies are just kind of … rotting. And werewolves? Talk about the bad boy character. "Oh he might hurt me when he transforms, but love can power over all!" Not every bad boy is a diamond in the rough. Sometimes they're just lumps of coal, and that's all they'll ever be.

But I think the thing that bothers me the most about all of these fantasized, romanticized, fetishized ideas of vampires is that the guy is always like, "I can't control myself around you because I'm addicted to blood because I'm a vampire and that's what vampires do". Okay, I understand that. You can't be around blood for too long or else you get all buzzed and start craving it. So what do you do? You leave. You don't _surround yourself with human, mortal girls_. Hello, "that time of the month" thing doesn't just apply to werewolves.

I mean, they _say_ that they can smell the blood just under our skin – they can "hear the blood rushing through our veins" and it's "way too strong" for them to resist. So if that's true then why aren't they freaking out for a whole week during the month when our own "werewolf cycle" comes around?

I'll tell you why. It's because the media lies. They want to make you think that everything is good and fine when it's not. The only drama that should be happening is you not knowing whether the girl ends up with the vampire or the werewolf. You think you're safe during that time? You think that your vampy boyfriend can resist your blood during the other three weeks of the month so he'll be fine during that one week? No. They can smell blood at all times. I repeat: _they can smell blood at ALL times_.

So whether you've nicked yourself cutting up some vegetables for a soup, or you've skinned your knee falling down the stairs, or you've gotten a paper cut opening a letter, or it's _that_ time, you're never safe. They can smell it on you.

I would know.

I live with a vampire.

And a werewolf.

And a ghost.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey! So I had this finished for a while but I just got around to editing it (wow! the first time I've edited a chapter!). I hope you like it. I'm up to 5 episodes now. I can't borrow my friend's Netflix anymore so I had to find an alternative way to watch it. Anyways...

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Being Human UK (or US) or any of the characters. I'm just borrowing them for fun. Lots of fun.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I really apologize in advance if I end up switching tenses? For some reason it's really hard for me to remember to stay in one during these types of stories. Well, enjoy! R&R! I love reviews, they're lovely. And thank you to those who have reviewed already! :) You hold a special place in my heart.

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I don't think I ever really intended to live with a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. Then again, I don't think anyone really _intends_ for stuff like that to happen. I mean, you can intend to move to England, or intend to marry a Frenchman or intend to be the first woman to climb Mt. Everest in a floral bikini – but how do you intend to live with creatures that you'd never believed in until you finally met them?

I mean, I'd grown up with stories of vampires and ghosts and werewolves and all sorts of creatures that lived in the dark, but I'd never truly believed in them. It was fun, when I was little, to pretend that I'd run into a vampire while out camping; or that my next door neighbor was actually an alien; or that I had a ghost haunting my bedroom closet; or that Bloody Mary could be summoned during sleepovers. But I'd never actually, fully, 100% believed in any of those things.

I half-wished that they were true, but I knew better than to hold out and wait for one to pop up in my life. So I left those dreams behind and continued on with a regular life full of regular-ish people and nothing supernatural.

Later on in my life came the time when I had move out of my apartment that I shared with Lilly, one of my good friends from school. We rented an apartment while I worked and she attended college; unfortunately during that time she had a falling out with her fiance and rebounded with some guy in her Sociology class who basically lived on our couch, ate all of our food and was verbally abusive to Lilly and me. I told her several times that she needed to either dump him or have him move out, if not for the sake of their relationship then for ours. One night he came home very drunk and threw a glass bottle at me and cussed out Lilly for waiting up for him. The next morning I told Lilly that either her boyfriend left or I did.

She told me that I should start packing.

I ended up couch surfing with people from work and I even slept in the break room one weekend while I scoured the papers for a more permanent place to stay. During a particularly slow day at work Maria, a co-worker, showed me an ad she found in the paper stating that a pair of guys were looking for a new roommate. They had an extra room to rent, were in a quiet part of the neighborhood in Bristol and were looking for someone ASAP.

I went right after work to the address printed in the ad, clutching the newspaper to my chest as I approached the building. It was a two-story pink building on the corner of the street. I stepped up to the door, knocked a few times and waited. I glanced around and saw a few neighbors strolling about. They kept their eyes down and headed off on their own way. I knocked again and crossed my arms. I bounced on my toes and then listened carefully for any noises inside. I heard someone shuffling inside and waited for them to answer the door.

After a few minutes, the noise stopped and I was still left standing on the stoop. Maybe I'd just imagined the noise? Perhaps once more... I knocked again and this time the door creaked open. I jumped back and anticipated a grumpy tenant to come to the door with a scowl and a bitter remark, but there was no one. I looked around again to make sure no one was watching me and then leaned forward.

"Hello?"

No answer.

I stepped forward and pressed the door open a bit more.

"_Hello_?"

Silence.

I wasn't sure what to do. I clutched the paper in my hand tighter and stepped into the building. Colored light poured into the living room from the shaded windows to the left of where I stood. There was a staircase in front of me and to the right led into the kitchen. I looked around where I stood but saw no one.

"Hello? I … your door was open... I guess."

I heard a creak coming from the living room and nearly jumped out of my skin. I hesitantly headed into the room, still deciding if I wanted to run or find out who was there. I saw a couch with some pillows, a low table and a television set, along with several cups of tea sitting all around the floor. Standing at the far end of the room against the wall was a woman with curly black hair, dressed in gray and white. She had her arms crossed and was looking down at her feet.

"Hello?" I asked timidly. She said nothing. "Um, hello...?" Still, nothing. "Okay, then don't talk to me," I said quietly and headed back towards the doorway.

"Wait," she said suddenly. I turned back to see her head had snapped up. She looked at me with wide eyes. "Were … were you talking to me?"

I casually looked around the room to see if there had been another person. I was getting an eerie vibe from the whole situation. "Um... yeah?"

"To _me_?"

"...yes."

"You can see me?"

I knit my eyebrows together and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Kind of."

She laughed and threw her hands up to her mouth. "You can see me," she whispered softly. Her eyes brimmed with tears and she rushed forward. "I'm sorry – I'm so, I'm Annie."

"Hi, Annie," I nodded, "I'm Bridget."

She laughed and shook my hand. "It's so nice to meet you Bridget."

"It's nice to meet you too. Um, I'm sorry... I just .. are you … are you living here? I just – this ad," I held up the paper, "it said that there were two people here looking for a roommate. But, um, they were both guys? Did … oh, I'm sorry, are you renting the room?"

"Huh? Oh! No. No, no, no, no," she smiled and bit her lip, shrugging, "I'm just, um... I'm house sitting! Yes, the boys, they're out shopping right now. Gone out for supplies, you see. It's hard to keep a full pantry with two hungry boys, you know?" She laughed again.

"Do you know when they'll be back?"

"Probably in a bit. Do you want me to show you the room?"

"Is that all right? Can you do that?"

"Oh, of course! I practically live here, so I know my way around here. Don't worry. Would you like to see it?"

"Yes, if that's fine with you."

"It's perfect." Annie smiled and led me up the stairs and onto the landing. There were three rooms, the first two were clearly occupied as they were filled with various items and scattered with clothing. Annie showed me past them and into the empty room. There was a floral armchair, a twin-sized bed with white sheets and a blue comforter, white lace curtains and an old wooden dresser with a small lamp.

"This is it," Annie beamed, turning to face me. "It's got a great view... of the street. But it's quiet here. Hardly ever any noise. Plus the boys are great. You'd love living here. I know I did." She stopped suddenly and her face paled a bit. She then shook her head and smiled. "The bath's up here, down the hall and to the right. There's a kitchen and you saw the living room. The tele's Mitchell's and he's pretty protective about it. Um, do you have any eating things? Like allergies or are you a vegetarian?"

"No, not as of yet."

"Okay. It's just that the boys like to cook a lot of meat, so... And do you work?"

"Yeah, at Prim's part-time. I have another job."

"Oh, I love that bookshop! I got my first copy of _Alice in Wonderland_ there, you know. Oh! Um, by the way, the boys work at the hospital."

"Really? What do they do?"

"They're porters."

"Oh. Maybe I've seen them."

"How so?"

"I also work in the cafeteria at the hospital. Serve a lot of nurses and parents, mostly, but sometimes we get other staff."

"Wow! It's such a small world, isn't it?" She laughed happily again. "So you've probably met them and not even known it."

"Probably."

She clasped her hands together and nodded. "Well, I guess that's it. You'll have to talk to the boys if you want to rent the apartment. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I don't … I'm just house sitting while they're gone."

"Right. And you don't know when they'll be back?"

"No. They should be home soon, though." Annie sighed and looked at me. "Would you like some tea?"

"Sure."

She grinned and exited the room, hopping down the stairs and to the kitchen. I followed behind but strayed into the living room.

"Turn on the tele if you'd like. I'm not sure what's on at this time, though."

I sat down on the couch and listened to her rattle around in the kitchen. She appeared in the living room and stood beside the couch.

"It might be a while until the kettle's heated up."

"That's fine."

She nodded and then turned her head towards the doorway. "Oh! I think they're home."

At that I heard a car door slam shut. She grinned widely at me and wiggled her eyebrows.

"They're here. Time for the moment of truth!" She rushed over to the doorway and I stood up from the couch. The door swung open and a tall, lanky man with curly black hair stepped inside, holding several plastic bags. He smiled at Annie.

"Hi!" She beamed. "Welcome home."

"Hello," he said, shifting the bags in his hands. He glanced over towards me, did a double take and then froze. He stood up a bit straighter and hesitantly said again, "Hello..."

"Um, hi," I said softly. "I'm … I'm sorry, I was here because of your ad," I held the paper up again stupidly, "I just … your door was open and... she showed it to me."

"She?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes. Uh – Annie."

"Annie?"

"Yes, Mitchell," Annie said proudly, catching his attention. "I showed her the room."

His eyes widened a bit and he looked from her to me. "You can see – uh, you saw... the … room?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"What did you think?"

"It's nice. I like it."

"I would've signed her myself," Annie began, "but I'm just _house sitting_, remember, Mitchell?"

"Right, right," he nodded. "Uh, let me – just, um... I'm going to go put these down and be right back." He hurried into the kitchen and set down the bags then came back. He wiped his gloved hands on his pants and reached out and shook my hand. "Hi," he began, "I'm sorry about all that. I'm Mitchell."

"I'm Bridget."

"It's nice to meet you," he nodded and retracted his hand.

"You too."

"So! The room. You liked it then, yeah?"

"Yes! Yes, it's a nice room."

"Good. Are you thinking of renting it then?"

"I'm not sure, I'd have to talk to you about it."

"Right. Uh, we can – oh, George!"

"Was that a curse?"

"No, I – just a moment." Mitchell turned on his heels and dashed to the doorway, pulled it open widely and disappeared outside. Annie shrugged at me, unsure of what had just happened. Before long Mitchell appeared again with more bags and a shorter man with blond hair and glasses. He muttered something about having to do all of the work and then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me.

"Uh... hello," he drew out, confusion on his face.

"George, this is Bridget. She's here about the room," Mitchell said, raising his eyebrows at the shorter man.

"O-Oh? Bridget. It's … well it's nice to meet you, then Bridget. Um... how long have you been here?"

"Not too long."

"Oh, yeah? ….Have you seen the room then?"

"Yes."

"Great. Um, do you mind if I ask how you got in here?"

"Annie let me in."

"A-Annie?" He turned his face towards the other two then back to me. "So you've seen – met, _met_ Annie then?"

"Yes, she's very kind."

"And she's the one who showed you the room, then?"

"Yes. I hope that's okay."

"Oh, no, it's perfect," George sighed with a shrug. "I just didn't think we'd be getting anyone today or else I would've stayed home..."

"There was no need for you to," Annie began, "I was here to help her."

"Yes, that's true. But supposed you hadn't been," George stressed the last few words.

"George."

The man sighed again and then nodded towards me. "So you like the room?"

"Yes."

"Right, then. I suppose you, Mitchell and I should talk about rent then, yes?"

"I suppose so."

George left for the kitchen when Mitchell came out into the living room. "Please, have a seat."

I sat back down on the couch and he pulled a chair in front of me. He turned it backwards and sat down, arms resting on the back.

"So, Bridget, you've come from where then?"

"Bath."

"Really? It's nice up there. Why're you moving here?"

"I was renting an apartment with a friend and it kind of … ended."

"What ended?" George asked as he came into the living room.

"Our friendship, I suppose. She kicked me out."

"That's tough," Mitchell said. "Any reason why? If you don't mind my asking."

"No, it's fine. It was because of her boyfriend. He was … he's the reason I got kicked out, really. He wasn't very good to either of us, or to anyone really. Always drunk, comin' home late, very unkind."

"Sounds like a twat," Mitchell muttered.

I laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, that's what he is. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm not there, I'm here, so..."

"Your … your accent, it's a bit... western, yeah? You're not originally from Bath are you?"

I shook my head. "No, I was born in America but we moved to the U.K. when I was very young."

"Really! What state are you from?"

I exhaled through my nose and gave a half smile. "I'd rather not say."

"Ooh... that bad, huh?"

"Not too many fond memories of being there, no."

"Right! Well, Georgie, what do you think? Is Bridget a good candidate to rent our extra room?"

"I don't know, yet."

"Can you pay rent?"

"Yes."

"Where do you work?"

"At Prim's, part time. And I work at the hospital."

"What? No way!" Mitchell laughed and looked towards George then back at me. "We work there too! We're porters! What do you do?"

"Yeah, Annie said that. I work in the cafeteria."

"Really? We might've seen you, then."

"Probably, yeah."

"Hmm," Mitchell narrowed his eyes and studied my face. "I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen your face."

"Good luck," I murmured, "try picturing me with scrubs and a hair net on, standing behind a food counter with three other people that are dressed just like me."

"No," Mitchell shook his head. "I know I would've remembered you if I'd seen you. You've got a memorable face," he added with a slight wink. I blushed hot and looked down. George sighed and cleared his throat.

"So you can pay rent, then. Are you all right living here? It's a quiet neighborhood and we're not really … the type to branch out, I suppose. So we're not going to be having a lot of company."

"That's fine."

"And you don't mind living with two guys, then, yeah?"

"Of course she doesn't," Mitchell spoke up, looking over at George. "Or else she wouldn't have come. Our ad says that we're two guys." He turned back and smiled at me.

"Are you loud?" George asked.

"No, not particularly. I mean, I guess I have my moments."

"Oh, yeah? Like when?"

"Mitchell," George sighed.

"What? I'm just curious."

"I don't know," I began slowly. "I suppose if I've been given coffee or something exciting is going on or something. I can't really say."

"Oh. Well I have my moments, too," Mitchell began, "of being loud. But they're not like yours. It's usually because of a more … physical … event. " He winked again and grinned at me. I felt my face turn red, my heart flutter nervously and my stomach churn. I shifted in my seat and clasped my hands in my lap.

"All right," George interrupted, "I guess that's all there is to it. Except – do you want to live here?"

I looked over towards the man. "Uh, yes, yes I'd like it."

"Okay." He glared over at Mitchell. "I guess now all that's left to do is to discuss payment."

"That's fine."

"When do you want to move in?"

"As soon as possible, I suppose. If it's convenient."

"That's perfectly fine," Mitchell chimed in. "We'll even help you, George and I. Well..." he looked over at the annoyed face of his friend. "I will."

"Come on," George said, looking at me, "we'll talk about rent."

"Great." I stood up to follow him but stopped and blushed hotly when I realized just how close Mitchell was sitting in his chair to me. His face was right at my chest and he leaned back at bit.

"Sorry," I muttered, embarrassed, "excuse me," I stepped around the chair and followed George.

"Oh, it's no problem."

I blushed hotter and tried to ignore the comment. George had me follow him upstairs to his room where he took out some papers. He turned back to me. "I'm sorry about Mitchell."

"No, it's fine."

"It's not, really, though," he argued. "He's not always like that... he's actually a good guy and he's really kind. Sometimes, though... I dunno. I guess sometimes he's a guy."

I laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, I understand. Trust me, he's a saint compared to … some people I've met."

George cast a strange look at me then turned back to the papers. "Right, well, we have to do some official stuff, I suppose, but uh, basically, this is an estimate of how much rent should be. Plus the rules of the building set down by our landlord, so if you'd like to look them over that'd be great."

"Thanks." I took the papers from him and held them together with my newspaper.

"So..." He clapped his hands together. "It'll be exciting having someone else living here, you know. It's just been me and Mitchell and Annie and it's .. it's nice, you know, but sometimes it's kind of … I dunno. Boring?" He laughed a bit and pushed up his glasses. "But I think it'll be different with someone else here – with you here. You don't seem boring... you seem … very interesting."

I smiled, "Thank you. You too. I, uh.. it'll be an adventure for me. The only time I've lived away from home was when I was renting with Lilly – the friend who kicked me out. So this'll be different for me..."

"Right. It'll be a new experience for both of us. For all of us."

"Yes. Yes, it will."

I didn't know it then, but he was right. It was going to be an experience like no other for me. And for them.


End file.
